Relationship as a Path of Growth - Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

Why Relationships Are a Powerful Path to Self-Actualization

While there are many paths to self-actualization, I have found sex and relationship to be a particularly powerful one.

Hey there, I’m Cassidy, Love + Relationship Coach.

In today’s blog post, we’ll explore why relationships can be a powerful path of growth, what’s the deal with the Honeymoon phase, and how you can keep your relationship thriving long-term instead of falling victim to the cultural narrative that connection fades over time.

The Arena of Relationship: No Hiding Allowed

In an intimate relationship, if you are playing full out and truly long to access the depths of love, then there is no hiding.

It requires you to show up with all parts of yourself—not just the parts that you are proud of and like to show the world, but also the parts that even you would like to deny live within you.

But attempting to hide any part of yourself—consciously or unconsciously—becomes a block to deeper intimacy. At some point, as you grow closer in love, these parts will surface, giving you the beautiful opportunity to face them and heal them within the container of your love.

The Continual Practice of Conscious Relationship

Another thing that makes the arena of relationship so powerful is that it is a continual practice.

In most other practices—take yoga, for example—you might set aside your practice for a week, a month, or more when things get challenging, uncomfortable, or boring. But in conscious relationships, there is no pausing the practice (assuming you want the relationship to continue).

When things get challenging, uncomfortable, or boring, it is an invitation to get vulnerable and shine your awareness on what is challenging, and face it with compassion as a team, growing stronger and closer in the process.

So really, your relationship can be a constant reminder to stay on the path of your growth and awakening.

The Honeymoon Phase

You may have heard of the “Honeymoon Phase,” the first phase of a relationship that tends to be mostly positive. Couples tend to be more present with each other, getting along, having great sex, and making each other a priority.

The story goes that eventually, problems start to creep in, and it’s basically downhill from there.

Well, I’m here to call BS on that story.

It is totally possible to have a relationship that continues to deepen in love and bring wonderful gifts to your life.

However, there also is something to the idea of the Honeymoon Phase.

To undertake the kind of healing and transformation necessary for our self-liberation and actualization, our minds, bodies, and nervous systems require a container of safety. During the Honeymoon Phase, you are getting to know each other more deeply, and coming to trust each other deeply.

At some point, in a healthy relationship, you come to feel a true sense of safety in the relationship and with your partner.

Your whole system senses this safety, and it goes, “ah, finally I feel safe enough to let the unfelt and unseen things arise in order to be healed.”

When you start getting triggered by things your partner says or does that didn’t used to phase you, or your partner gets upset about things that never were an issue before, it’s easy to think, “something’s wrong with the relationship.”

But in reality, assuming you have maintained a container of love in the relationship, this surfacing of challenging emotions is actually a sign that there is something very right in your relationship.

You’ve created a context of love and safety in which the unfelt things that are ready to be healed and transformed are coming to light.

This is a key step in the path of conscious relationship:

Recognizing your challenges as opportunities for healing, growth, and transformation.

 

Committing to Relationship as a Path of Growth and Awakening

In Classical Tantra, there is an underlying philosophy that everything in your life can be used for your spiritual growth.

You can turn anything into a ritual or spiritual practice with:

1. Intention
2. Conscious awareness
3. Tools

Committing to Relationship as a Path of Growth and Awakening means holding an intention for your relationship, bringing your conscious awareness to the relationship, and learning the tools that will guide you forward.

There are tools and processes that you can learn, practice, and master to support each other in your growth journey, which is exactly what we work on in our retreats and coaching.

Reflection Exercise

If this all sounds interesting to you, here is a reflection that you can do right now to begin to approach your relationship as a powerful arena of growth.

Get your notebook ready, or save this blog post to come back to this reflection later.

These questions are phrased for those who are currently in a relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, ask yourself the same questions, but instead, ask them about your relationship with yourself.

1. What are my intentions for my relationship?

   • How do I want to feel?
   • In what ways do I want to grow?
   • What do I want my relationship to be like?

2. How can I bring more conscious awareness to my relationship?

   • Brainstorm some ways that you can remind yourself of your intentions, and ways you will approach challenges as opportunities to grow together.
   • Examples: talk to my partner about what I learned about the relationship as a path of growth, share my intentions for the relationship with my partner, get a coach to help us stay aware and learn helpful processes, read some books about relationships, and share this blog post with my partner.

3. What is 1 tool that I already know of that I could use in my relationship now?

   • Examples: active listening, presence, Non-Violent Communication (NVC), Love Languages.

Final Thoughts

The end of the “Honeymoon Phase” does not have to mean that your relationship starts to go downhill.

It can be the start of a relationship even more rich and deeply loving than you could have imagined.

The difference is all in the approach.

What was your #1 takeaway? How will you apply it today?

If you’re ready to dive deeper into your relationship journey, download our free guide: "17 Habits for an Outstanding Relationship." It’s packed with insights and practical steps to keep your relationship thriving long-term.

Thanks for reading to the end!

Keep loving fully.